One essential step towards authenticity for me was the resigning from my work. I had taught immigrant children to learn Finnish language on their arrival to the new country. I felt the work was important, but teaching a language and behavioral skills just wasn’t what my heart longed for. Working this way felt like being an actor. As the time went by the situation caused lot’s of stress and it showed as many health problems. 2017 I finally stood up for myself and resigned.
I needed time to recover and connect to myself and I decided to travel to Italy and give myself a break. Only thing I knew was that I deserved more ease and satisfaction. I deserved to be more me. As I didn't have what to do, I finally "had to" start living listening my intuition.
During the first year I gave to time to painting, writing, walking, meditation and everything that made me connect with myself. In the end, I didn’t only connect more with myself, but I also found a connection to my partner Alessandro and this encounter slowly transformed my break in Italy into living in Italy. Also other things that were aligned with my heart, followed. On our trip to Japan the following year, my new calling, coaching appeared to me. I saw an advertisement of a training in International Coach Academy and enrolled...and later certified as a coach. All seems like planned, but instead I was letting the life unfold and made choices based on my intuition and heart.
Stop the performative and embrace the authenticity
Changing work or country are not enough to move from performing to authenticity. The inner work was to spot beliefs that hold be back in the old performative way of being. There is the part that is whole and complete, but there's also this ego part, which holds many beliefs. I started to discover these underlying beliefs more deeply.
Like most of us, I had learnt to hide my power and act small. I had learnt that maybe I was not quite as good as the others. Some people seemed to have more right to be here. I was afraid to express myself. Overall I had the feeling that I somehow just needed to perform through life challenges and response to the demands to stay safe. A lot was based on fear and scarcity. Naturally these beliefs were not very conscious to me, but underneath they caused lots of hazard and performing.
Feeling emotions in body was, and is, a gate way to limiting beliefs. I let difficult emotions exist and traced the belief that was behind the emotion. I worked on my own and occasionally also with a skilled coach or healer. Having someone to guide in this process is what I’d recommend to everyone nowadays -and my self when I need to. This way the process can be so much more lighter and smoother!
As a result of clearing this package of beliefs and emotions made my way to closer to my true nature. And I could feel more clarity. I started feeling that:
I’m welcome here. I can enjoy the abundance that is here. There's everything I need. I have power inside me and I create things effortlessly. I can love without fear and I can receive love. I can speak freely about what I have to say. There’s like a wifi that you can use to connect with your intuition. I can connect to the part of me, to the universe and have wisdom to all my questions. I 'm supported. Everything is well.
This is to say I was more connected to the authentic me and higher consciousness. Some moments I have this clarity, some moments I simply lose it. This is human, we also lose this clarity. But we all have the possibility to connect with this clarity and feel this more and more often.
Not all our beliefs that we have learnt are bad. One of my core belief that kept leading me in the right direction were “you deserve to stay well and feel genuinely good”. I also really wanted to make a difference in the world and I knew it was by being the change myself. My buddhist practise enhanced these beliefs and kept me going during the difficult times.
Be the change...
How do I connect to the authentic part of us? For me it’s about self nourishing practises. It happens through meditation. It happens qigong for getting "to the body". It's happens by being consciousy present in a simple task like washing dishes. It happens through dialogue with others who support the growth. The other can be a friend or a skilled coach or a healer.
I like to focus on “self cultivation” or “nourishing”, and try to stay away from the trap of endless self improvement… We don’t need to get any better, we just release the things that are not genuinly ours but learned. And once we cultivate our connection to the authentic part of us, we can easier face the hard stuff. From that perspective we can feel more spacious and empathic on the difficulties that we have.
..and feel ease and satisfaction
Ease and satisfaction for me comes by living balanced days, doing the work I’m passionate about, connecting with others and nature and having great tools to connect to authenticity.
Ease doesn’t mean absence of problems or difficult emotions. Life isn’t problem-free for anyone. It has to offer challenges and when we are lined with our true nature, the challenges are worthy to take and we can take them feeling more tranquil, even content. Buddhist and other philosophies help to see challenges as opportunities. A friction in a relationships or financial issues or feeling fear or anxiety… every challenge is an opportunity to connect deeper to our true nature - to find our wisdom, courage, compassion and creativity to change the hardship into something valuable. They are possibilities to demonstrate our true potential and light. And that's why challenge is precious and we can even feel ease in front of them.
In the middle of the stressful real life situation filosophical thoughts don't always give consolation. Life does feel stressful: we have so many decisions to do and so many questions to consider each day.. everything from little worries “Am I in time for the zoom call” to bigger ones: “how are my elderly parents doing today”.. Then a conscious breathing or somatic movement, like qigong, can connect us to body and nature. This is a way to calm the mind, come to the body. It gives the gift of being present. And a present moment has always countless possibilities: it brings us back to magic.
If you like to follow my story, get inspired for authentic and easy way of being, please inscribe my intentional letter. I write letters every now and then (every month or so). I'd be also very glad to hear from you!